It’s been years since I have written anything of significance here, at my jobs, or even my manuscript. Nada, really. Just a smattering of FB congrats, birthday cards and text messages. What happened?
Where did my mojo go-go? I just spent an hour reading posts going back more than 15 years, and was pleasantly surprised to read some fairly cool stuff. Insightful, articulate, funny even. More, they all had a point. WTF happened since then?
I feel (not a fact) as if I put creating a life for myself ahead of actually living, and drifted into a slack tide of banality. Dull shades of brown and red and sad, sad songs. I’ve heard “Wildfire” more times in the past year than I did when the song came out in ‘75. Thanks Watercolors.
Where did my wonder of the world go? When did my focus become so myopic? Have I spent too much time trying to mold my life into what I wanted it to be that I lost focus on what God has in mind? In the effort to get my life together—build a career, buy a home, plan for retirement—I’ve forgotten to actually live and have a good time. Life is for the living, I’ve heard.
I’m past the mid-life crisis stage—I think. Yet, I feel (there’s that word again) that life’s colors are less vibrant, and the spontaneity and candor of my earlier posts is now just a dull hum of BS running an endless loop in the background of my mind.
So, how do I make my way back into the ebb and flow of life? “Finnegan, begin agin,” is a phrase I always think of when I hear of someone who goes out. I haven’t had a drink in nearly 25 years—and I don’t want to—but I rarely share anymore, and only half-listen to others. So, yeah, I feel … grrr … there is something missing in my sober life as well. Something or some way of looking at the world that I’ve lost and need to find. Something that I haven’t thought of before, of maybe just not in a very long time.
Something…
Note to self: Hold onto what’s good, let go of what’s bad. It’s just that simple.
I like simple.
