Enough is Enough

I got a couple of e-mails earlier this week from someone with way too much time on their hands and a serious problem with control. The theme of these e-mails were eerily similar to the demeaning relationships I used to have back in the day. Only today, I see them for what they are - the toxic brain drain of a very sick person who just feels the need to reach out and hurt someone. 

Unacceptable behavior is just that - unacceptable. And I don't care who it is that's acting out - it is no longer OK to treat me with disrespect. Although I believe that we should be kind and compassionate, with love and tolerance for all, there comes a point that I draw the line. I have learned not to let anger rule my actions. To respond - not react. But when someone - anyone - acts out in a manner that is unacceptable, I have to take action. 

My skin has gotten a bit thicker over the years, and I am no longer offended by the slights of people who don't really think before they speak or act. I have learned that it's none of my business what others think of me - that at the end of the day I have only myself and my God to answer to. I have also learned that I no longer have to let anyone treat me like a doormat. Abuse, whether it be physical, mental, emotional, verbal, or even written, is just that - abuse. And it is wrong. No one has the right to treat me in a manner that I find offensive. NO MATTER WHAT RATIONALE THEY USE. 

Quite the contrary, I have the right - no, make that the responsibility - to say "NO, YOU CANNOT DO THAT TO ME." I don't have to respond with vulgarity or tears, and I don't have to act like some banshee bitch from hell. On the other hand, I also don't have to legitimize it and say it's OK.

No, I am a sane and sober WOMAN. I can just turn my back, hang up the phone, walk away or just hit the delete key and not feel one bit guilty about it. My happiness is my responsibility - no one else's. This is my dance space - bought and paid for with buckets of ink and gallons of tears. I will let you know when you are welcome in it. Peace.

Those Damn Heartstrings

"Lovers, I know you've had a few
But hide your heart beneath the covers
And tell 'em they're the only one.
And others, they know just
What I'm going through
And it's a-hard to be a lover
When you say you're only in it for fun."

Seems that ever time I pop in a CD, some song from way-back-when grabs hold of my heartstrings and jerks me nearly to tears. Those last two lines especially keep playing over and over in my head. In another time and another place, being in it just for fun, was well, fun - and safe - sorta. No commitments, no grief, but terribly lonely. 

Today, I know I deserve better, and that God is molding me for something very special.

Someone asked me today what I write about.

That's easy. I write about the things I see and hear as my day unfolds. The "what" of my day, if you will. The tricky part is to capture the "why" of those encounters.