The only way to successfully overcome fear of any kind is to walk through the fear; to find empowerment on the other side as my friend Amy once told me. Keeping in mind that it is none of my business what others think of me - only what God thinks of me.
My message this morning was not necessarily intended to solicit a response, but it would have been nice. Well, it never came, and that's OK. I walked thru the fear by taking action. Totally above board and straightforward. I've sent the same message dozens of times to Charlie and Billy, but I won't deny that today my motives were at least halfway self-seeking. And I can't help but admit that this is not a great situation -- if I even know what great is. There are numerous reasons, all of which I have reminded myself time and time again. Happiness self-sabotage? No, more like honest inventories of both parties.
Yet, human nature is what it is - capable of forgetting/ignoring the obvious in favor of the perceived; the fantasy rather than reality; the lie in lieu of the truth.
God has a plan for both of us, and that is all I need to know. Let it unfold and accept that nothing happens without a reason. I don't need to know the why or even the why not - it just is what it is.
I am truly a blessed woman. I know that my happiness is not predicated on a man or a job or even the amount of money I have - the past has already shown me that truth. No, true happiness is an inside job that often involves a measure of growing pains. It's a by-product of peace in my head and light in my heart; the narrow way as my reflection for today noted. Funny how I read that exact same passage last night in "Sermon on the Mount." There are no coincidences - just God working incognito, as the old saying goes.
On the train from Antwerp, I muse over rather than run thru my feelings. No pavé diamond ring today, but I did my part to relieve the European economic crisis at the day spa. Makes those 15-hour shifts worthwhile.
I have walked thru my fear - my narrow gate, if you will - and arrived a happy and whole woman. There is a beautiful Corelli adagio softly playing in my ear as sunlight finally breaks thru the endless gray skies, and I realize that my head and heart are in sync. All is well.
Sent from my iPad
