Those Damn Heartstrings

"Lovers, I know you've had a few
But hide your heart beneath the covers
And tell 'em they're the only one.
And others, they know just
What I'm going through
And it's a-hard to be a lover
When you say you're only in it for fun."

Seems that ever time I pop in a CD, some song from way-back-when grabs hold of my heartstrings and jerks me nearly to tears. Those last two lines especially keep playing over and over in my head. In another time and another place, being in it just for fun, was well, fun - and safe - sorta. No commitments, no grief, but terribly lonely. 

Today, I know I deserve better, and that God is molding me for something very special.

Someone asked me today what I write about.

That's easy. I write about the things I see and hear as my day unfolds. The "what" of my day, if you will. The tricky part is to capture the "why" of those encounters.

What vs. Why

Someone asked me today what I write about. That's easy. I write about the "what" of my day - the things I see or hear as the day unfolds. The tricky part is to capture the "why" of those encounters. I usually write at night, so I have my jammies on and usually a cup of tea. Tonight, I am indulging in a bit of chocolate, and the message inside the foil reads, "It's never too late for a fresh start." 

Today, I spoke with a man I hadn't seen in some time. He looked haggard, thin and profoundly unhappy. I wondered why, as seemingly his life is quite on track. Why was this person so sad? You could see it in his eyes. In the closed-off body language; the tightness around the lips; the slouched shoulders; the emptiness. That was it. The emptiness. 

Here was a man with so much promise in his life. Promotion at work, new house being built, loving family and friends. Yet, his eyes looked washed out and empty. Why, with so much going for him, was he standing there looking so damn unhappy? And then I remembered how I had had that same look on my face at one time. Since then, I've learned that happiness doesn't come in shiny boxes. It doesn't live in a fancy house, drive an expensive car or have great luggage. (Well maybe great luggage) Happiness comes from within - with a sense of purpose, usefulness and belonging. All the other stuff only enhances that feeling. 

I’ve also learned that life is full of DO-OVERS, Thank You God. Why? Because we are perfectly flawed beings. We get a fresh start - a second chance, a new serve, a do-over. For no other reason than because we are loved by Him. Hopefully that man finds his fresh start - his do-over. Lord knows we all need one - or two - or ten. 

Second piece of chocolate (I worked out, so I can be extravagant) bears the following message: "Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die tomorrow." Glad I had that second piece. There's still time to have another...

For Whiskers

Much loved. Truly missed.
Cross the Rainbow Bridge and go with God.
Your spirit be with the ones you loved for all time.

It's So Hard to Say Goodbye

For many people, making decisions about how to proceed with a terminally sick animal is just as gut wrenching as it would be if they were human. Unfortunately, the options are far more limited, though the pain is just as great. 

As humans, we oftentimes project our own thoughts, feelings and desires onto our furry, fuzzy and feathered family members. And when the end comes, we oftentimes want to do for them the things that we would do for our human family members. We lavish affection, treats and care. We spend time with them that we would normally spend on our work, home, etc. And when their time nears, we hope and pray it will be peaceful and quiet, just as we would for ourselves. But if not, we have to remember that we are entrusted to care for them - no matter how hard it may seem. 

But at the end of the day, animals, like humans, don't really want treats. They just want to be close to the people in their lives that they love. I've had to make the hard decision twice now, and I may have to again far sooner than I would care too. I can tell you this - it doesn't get any easier. But I know that God speaks as much through my babies as he does through people. 

They teach me about unconditional love, loyalty and what is really important; the "what" versus the "how" of my life. So I'll spend more time with the family and friends that love and care for me, and who allow me to love and care for them. For they are gone far to soon from our lives - and goodbye is so very hard to say...

If the phone doesn't ring...

"Lots of new friends,
but the same old answers.
Open your eyes,
you might see.
If our lives were that simple,
we'd live in the past.
If the phone doesn't ring,

it's me."

That Jimmy Buffet song was playing on my way home tonight. I couldn't help but think back over the last year, or three, or 30. It's funny how a song about one thing can trigger a memory of something different - yet the same, somehow.

Funny how the past, recent or otherwise, somehow pops up just when we least expect it to. Or worse, just when we think we got it all figured out...

"If it takes all the future,
we'll live through the past.
If the phone doesn't ring,
it's me. It's me. It's me."