Where does your perspective lie when things don't go your way?
The former reflects a fairly optimistic, hopeful, glass-is-half-full outlook on life while the latter is marked by an overwhelming sadness and/or anger often accompanied by low self esteem and myopic point of view.
Most people tend to fall nearer to acceptance on the daily continuum of life, moving through the natural rhythms of birthdays, weddings and funerals without feeling the need to slit their wrists and bleed out. But a growing number of people I meet here in Amsterdam seem closer to the other end of the spectrum.
Maybe it's the economy. While there are a significant number of people on some form of relief in Holland, the same financial problems are hitting people all over the world. Most people just seem to make do.
Maybe it's the weather. Coming from a lifetime spent growing in the Florida sun, I understand after seven months in Amsterdam how continuous cold winds and gray skies can wear on the psyche. I mean for heaven's sake, it's July and the temperature here in A'dam is only just now topping 70 degrees. But it's also natural for temps to fluctuate year to year. And again, not enough there to say "uncle" and go cry me a river.
My good friend Fran used to give me 15 minutes to boo hoo about whatever so-called problem I had catastrophized that day before reminding me that no matter what goes wrong, the world is still a beautiful place. It's just sometimes harder to see.
So should your kid's teacher piss you off, consider yourself fortunate if you live in a place where kids can go to school and not be murdered by radicals who oppose education of any sort. Remember, an uneducated populace is easily cowed.
Should you use food as a means of solace, you probably live in a land of plenty where professionals can help you fill the hole in your soul with positive self esteem instead of self-loathing; not getting help is a crime you perpetrate on yourself.
Should your spouse finally tell you to get out until you get your shit together, be grateful you still have enough shit left to get together.
Should your biggest problem today be you don't like where life has led you then go somewhere else, but please, please, quit living in the problem and find a solution.
Most people handle what life dishes out. But for anyone over the age of 18 who finds him or herself mired in self-pity, resigned to the roles of either victim or martyr, please do yourself and the rest of us a favor - grow up, get over it and move on.
The world does not owe you a favor because your family dynamic adds a whole new dimension of fun to dysfunctional; you get no special consideration because your an active alcoholic, junkie or other substance abuser - recovery is only for those who want it; and there is no distinction for having the most issues, real or feigned.
The second half of the Serenity Prayer invokes a life of REASONABLE happiness, gained by accepting this sinful world as it is - not as I would have it. Another of my favorite prayers calls for acceptance of challenges with "unprecedented enthusiasm and hopeful expectations" - attitudes not possible with a "whatever" mindset.
The authors of these prayers were more eloquent than I, and their writings convey a spirit softened by gracious acceptance rather than sorrowful resignation.
That works for me.
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